A lot of low budget indie American horror films show up on the UK’s “Zone Horror” satellite TV channel (formerly “The Horror Channel”) before their DVD premieres in either the UK or the US. Most of these are bland at best, home movie-level at worst, but occasionally it’s worth staying up late with a glass of cheap wine and some snacks.
SIMON SAYS is one of the good ones – an enjoyably off kilter variation on the usual dead teenager theme, built on an old school slasher movie set-up. A camper van full of teenagers are in the middle of nowhere and fail to heed the standard warnings about “…them murders…” from the traditional Spooky Old Timer. Among the group are amusing riffs on standard genre character types, like the knuckleheaded jock (“I got two words for you…threesome!”), a straight-laced virgin who wears a LOT of pink, a slutty but hot Brittany Murphy look-alike airhead (Carrie Finkler) and a comedy stoner whose death is wholly appropriate and involves the line “Now that’s what I call a fattie…”.
While the girls show off their bikini-clad bodies, everyone gets a bit freaked out by Simon, a meek but twitchy simpleton, and Stanley, a smarmy Southern bastard in tight clothes – a pair of creepy identical twins both played by Crispin Glover. At the age of 15 the twins were apparently involved in the violent deaths of their family, and in the present day their mental states have not improved.
Although the scenario is nothing new and the post-modern dialogue nods are standard (TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE is name-checked just in case we didn’t get the obvious borrowings), this movie is distinguished by nifty gory deaths – the best involves a girl turned into a human CD player – and a frenetic second half that builds to a suitably whacked ending. The violence is inventive and staged with élan by director William Dear : characters dodge weapons flung at high speed from a spring-loaded pick-ax-flinging machine (!) while a range of booby traps instigate a two-for-the-price-of-one impalement and one spectacularly squished small dog (“Simon says : ‘Let’s play catch!’”).
This likeable film, however, is galvanized and hijacked by Glover’s truly bizarre dual performance as Simon and Stanley. Wide-eyed, maniacally laughing, sporting oddball accents and prone to wild outbursts (“I’m just a little tense here!”), Glover turns the movie into a manic, hilarious one (schizophrenic) man show. He’s a treat to watch, particularly during a climactic warped family dinner scene in which he shouts at rotten corpses and offers good food (“Would you like a hand sandwich?!”).
-Steven West
- Interview with J.R. Bookwalter - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Andrew J. Rausch - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Rick Popko and Dan West - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Director Stevan Mena (Malevolence) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Screenwriter Jeffery Reddick (Day of the Dead 2007) - January 22, 2015
- Teleconference interview with Mick Garris (Masters of Horror) - January 22, 2015
- A Day at the Morgue with Corri English (Unrest) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Writer/Director Nacho Cerda (The Abandoned, Aftermath) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actress Thora Birch (Dark Corners, The Hole, American Beauty) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actor Jason Behr, Plus Skinwalkers Press Coverage - January 22, 2015
