The film in a nutshell is about a cop named Edward Malus who in the opening bares witness to a tragic car accident and is unable to get the victims out. Under emotional duress, he receives a letter from a woman he had a relationship with many moons ago. She tells him that her daughter is missing and she needs help. Edward heads to the spooky island to which she lives and before we can say non-clever twist, he finds out that it’s his daughter and the island holds some creepy possession over the inhabitants.

When I first read that indie-uber director Neil LaBute (In the Company of Men, Possession, The Shape of Things) was tackling a remake of the cult classic starring Christopher Lee, I was giddy like a school kid. How could they go wrong with Nicolas Cage in the lead, Ellen Burstyn playing the Island’s queen bee and a supporting cast that includes the always wonderful Leelee Sobieski (Joyride) and Frances Conroy (Six Feet Under)?

There is no easy way to review this film without exposing the generic twist in the end that doesn’t seem to take it home. I’ll be honest and say that this remake is a letdown to the nth degree. Scarred policeman goes to a mysterious island ala ‘village of the damned’ and investigates a missing child case and unravels the secrets of the locals. Does one really believe that this will have a happy ending?

After green-lighting the ambitious take of Neil’s vision, seventeen producers attached later and a shelf life of more than a year happened. To give an example of how terrified the studio was to release this, let’s just say that this film was in the can long before Nic started shooting “World Trade Center” and that film was released a month before.

The film itself is a brooding mess. The introduction of Nic and his emotional distress was interesting but the fact that the editor and director kept inserting the same footage over and over by slow degrees was evident that they themselves had no idea of where to take the film. The spooky conventions work to a certain degree and there are some great visual moments in the film but it leaves a taste in your mouth that makes one wonder how this was so bad?

It was a breath of fresh cinema to see the once sought after Leelee Sobieski return to the screen but her role was limited at best as Sister Honey. She was an interesting character that elevated the film as a whole but her psychotic break near the end left the audience scratching their heads.

The original 1973 version was great. It’s a cult classic by standards and the reversal of a female (Burstyn) playing Sister Summersisle versus another male in the role which Christopher Lee did an outstanding was a good choice but her screen time with Cage was limited.

Slow plodding dragged this film down along with the constant face twitches that Nic incorporates into most of his roles (see Matchstick Men). It had been a while since I had seen the original but getting to that horrifying ending that mirrors Shirley Jackson’s classic short story (The Lottery) was always a guilty Friday night in October treat. I went into this being totally optimistic but found myself halfway through whispering “pass me the matches”.

I will give this another go when it comes out on DVD later this year. I could’ve missed something but a feeling in my gut says that Cage was miscast and the studio flexed their muscles and cut the pulp out of the film. It felt like two acts and both were terrible.

Oscar Wilde said it best; “Life is a stage but the play is badly cast.” With that said, I believe that The Wicker Man had a production that was badly cast and misguided.