Coleman Francis wrote, directed, edited, and produced The Beast of Yucca Flats. The only thing Francis failed to do, unlike his equally busy peer, Ed Wood, was star in the film, a work which serves a value life lesson: Don’t lose your kids in the Nevada desert or else.
Tor Johnson stars as Joseph Javorsky, a Russian scientist who defects from his native country, bringing along with him Top Secret documents concerning the USSR’s space program. As he attempts to evade the ensuing KGB in the Yucca Flats, a nuclear test is conducted. Due to radiation, Javorsky becomes a literal beast who, unlike his alter ego, has no concern for humanity and, instead, embarks upon his long-term goal to destroy humanity by strangling one person at a time.
The film opens with a woman (Lanell Cado) stepping out of the shower as two massive hands wrap around her neck. Courteously, the woman and the killer abstain from making any noise so as not to detract from the acting debut of the ticking clock in the woman’s bedroom. Now, unless I’m mistaken, when the sharp shooting paratrooper of a cop, Jim Archer (Bing Stafford)–“archer” get it? Huh huh–nails the wrong guy, Hank Radcliffe (Douglas Mellor), thinking Hank’s the killer running around Yucca Flats, Jim (and maybe myself included but I doubt it) missed something (huh, huh) because ol’ Tor has yet to become the murderous beast. Whatever–we can only hope for a sequel! The two massive hands then return to kill two stranded travelers (Linda Bielema and Jim Oliphant). Apparently the might from the murder’s grip is so powerful that it vicariously strangled the VW the couple was riding in because its lights blink off and on between scenes. For whatever reason, Javorsky, now revealed to be the owner of the massive ham hocks in case there was any doubt, takes the woman’s corpse off into the desert. He’s so big that he needn’t bother with dangling her over outstretched arms, he merely tucks her under his left arm and off they go. What does he do with her? Hell if I know and Francis doesn’t seem too concerned with this plot hole either.
Nor is Francis, the state of Nevada, or the American government too concerned about people wandering into a nuclear testing site (though I agree, a discreet picket sign that reads “Keep Out Government Property Missile Range” should be adequate fair warning) because here comes the Radcliffe family: Hank, Lois, and their two boys, Randy and Art. This is after pre-mutated, scientific exile Javorsky appears as the KGB (Anthony Cardoza and John Morrison) are in hot pursuit. A very pedestrian-conscience car chase ensues (which apparently takes a long, long time because the background covers every conceivable form of land–mountains, deserts, forests–as well as blinks back and forth from night to day). The chase ends in a shootout and, well, no wonder they failed to peg a guy the size of a wall, their guns failed to fire even blanks. Thank God the sound effects popped off a few rounds, otherwise we would have been left with an entire scene of agents merely lining up a shot. We are then guests to an ill-timed nuclear explosion. (Even thought it took a freakin’ atom bomb to do so, at least someone finally nailed Javorsky!) Now we have post-mutated Javorsky chasing the Radcliffe boys around the desert while only following half of the Roosevelt mantra, “Walk softly and carry a big stick” (you guess which one he’s not doing).
Luckily the kids mosey off because I doubt that Jim or his partner, Joe Dobson (Larry Aten), would have ever located Javorsky (even though cataract-laden 98 year-old grandma Bessie sitting in her living room in Virginia could see him no problem). Then they shoot Javorsky. Yet, in the tradition of cinematic horror, the monster isn’t quite dead even though an entire chamber has been dumped into him. Javorsky awakens when a bunny hops up to him, he kisses it, then kicks off. I swear, I was tearin’ up a box of Kleenex at this point.
All the Red Scare paranoia is laced with a consistent, inane voiceover by the director, who comes off as a Tourette’s victim in the bouts of depression with the mental capacity of the four year-old unable to compose a complete thought. Such absurd lines in the guise of epic utterances include, “A man runs. Someone shoots at him,” “Flag on the moon. How did it get there?,” “Always on the prowl. Looking for something or somebody to kill. Quench the killer’s thirst,” “Boys from the city. Not yet caught by the whirlwind of Progress. (You better like that last term because if you’re not a “Progressian” then you’re going to get tired of Francis uttering it every five seconds.) Feed soda pop to the thirsty pigs,” (I didn’t make that one up, I swear) and “Touch a button. Things happen.” What’s more, not only are we prey to having our IQ’s siphoned out of us with such heightened Shakespearian idioms, but the characters are dubbed by Francis himself, regardless if there are two males in the same scene, women, or children. I’m surprised he didn’t attempt to do the sound effects to the nuclear explosion, the ticking clock, and the KGB’s pistols.
Yet, I will admit Francis does leave a lot to the viewer’s speculation. For instance, I left the film not knowing whether or not Jim actually shot Hank (we see the latter flail to the ground after Jim goes through a case of ammunition but, in a scene later, he is running to Lois unabated). Also, the woman whom Javorsky abducts may or may not be alive because, if he did strangle to her death, she breathes quite a bit for a cadaver.
The message of the film? Fear the Commies? Nope. The threat of nuclear warfare is still a concern? P-shaw! Coleman Francis tells his morality tale as only he can: If you lose your kids in the Nevada desert shortly after a nuclear bomb has been dropped, you can be damn sure that the Silver State will unload a shitload of ammunition on your ass. We stand warned.
-Egregious Gurnow
- Interview with J.R. Bookwalter - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Andrew J. Rausch - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Rick Popko and Dan West - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Director Stevan Mena (Malevolence) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Screenwriter Jeffery Reddick (Day of the Dead 2007) - January 22, 2015
- Teleconference interview with Mick Garris (Masters of Horror) - January 22, 2015
- A Day at the Morgue with Corri English (Unrest) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Writer/Director Nacho Cerda (The Abandoned, Aftermath) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actress Thora Birch (Dark Corners, The Hole, American Beauty) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actor Jason Behr, Plus Skinwalkers Press Coverage - January 22, 2015
