When people mention “the worst film,” there is a lot of interpretation to be had with such a phrase. Easily, a 14 year-old with a camcorder and a basement has the (in)ability to make a “production” that trumps the horrendous nature of, say, Ed Wood’s Plan 9 from Outer Space, Coleman Francis’s The Beast of Yucca Flats, Joseph Green’s The Brain that Wouldn’t Die, or a gaggle or other notable Z-movie stinkers. As such, the line must be drawn that, to be a contender, the filmmakers involved have to had horns waggled someone, somewhere into releasing the film on a semi-wide basis. As such, Hal Warren’s Manos: The Hands of Fate not only qualifies, but does so with accolades in that the Texan fertilizer salesman conned local dignitaries into attending the film’s premier, replete with a limo and full gala hullabaloo.
This said, hands down, Manos deserves its place within the Top 5 worst films ever made. It undoubtedly lacks enough aesthetic merit to go full 15-rounds with Wood’s worst efforts any day. Beginning with the non sequitur, redundant title to the inauspicious number of up skirts shots of a little girl, The Hands of Fate provides its cult aficionado with unintentional laughs and inane boredom. In short, it leaves one with the unequivocal conviction that, indeed, humanity is doomed for no race which spawns someone whom, not only made such a picture, but believed it to be good, stands a chance in Hell.
Literally translated, Manos: The Hands of Fate is Hands: The Hands of Fate. The production is, also, literally plagued by moths–yes moths–for the director was unaware or merely ignored the fact that countless Heterocera flocked to the camera’s light (and into the shot) during filming, the same lighting which, in its limited quantity (not quality) limited the shooting parameters, which accounts for two cops who, during an investigation, take a couple of strides before turning around (a short inquiry indeed) so as not to disappear into the night. This is the same film which was shot without sound and later dubbed via the B-movie Japanese school of sound editing, thus making it the worst overdubbed film in its native language. As such, it should not be surprising that Warren forgot–just flat out, no apologies, ooops, my bad, forgot–to insert the opening credits.
In many respects, Manos is a film that only Ed Wood could love for, indubitably, Warren used the same alibi as his notorious predecessor while making the film. When Tor Johnson walks into a door facing in Bride of the Monster, Wood shrugged off the faux pas by stating that, for a man of Tor’s size, running into standard-sized openings must be a daily trial. Naturalism and realism be damned. In Warren’s feature, a character named Torgo, a minion of a (not the, mind you) devil, hobbles around because, natch, cloven hooves have gotta be hard to walk on. Apparently satyrs are also dim-witted by nature who suffer from Tourette’s Syndrome as well as autism which spend most of their day plastered and horny. Obviously, Manos is informative to say the least.
Of course, this says nothing of the fact that a coven of demonic wives are nevertheless prone to the human vice of chattiness and that police, apparently via telepathy, are now able to write tickets without the hassle of having to procure your driver’s license. However, in Warran’s film, it does not require an additional sixth sense or even imagination to envision a little girl’s panties for Hal provides shot after shot of up skirt photography throughout.
Truly, Hal Warren’s Manos: The Hands of Fate serves as a guide upon how to make a great film in that, if something is seen in the film and you do the exact opposite, presto, instant Citizen Kane. Ultimately, it is difficult to sincerely ridicule a film which MST3K’s itself as Quentin Tarantino’s favorite “comedy” of all time proves that if you put the dog on the payroll, you can expect that said canine will provide the best performance amongst the cast.
-Egregious Gurnow
- Interview with J.R. Bookwalter - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Andrew J. Rausch - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Rick Popko and Dan West - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Director Stevan Mena (Malevolence) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Screenwriter Jeffery Reddick (Day of the Dead 2007) - January 22, 2015
- Teleconference interview with Mick Garris (Masters of Horror) - January 22, 2015
- A Day at the Morgue with Corri English (Unrest) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Writer/Director Nacho Cerda (The Abandoned, Aftermath) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actress Thora Birch (Dark Corners, The Hole, American Beauty) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actor Jason Behr, Plus Skinwalkers Press Coverage - January 22, 2015
