As watchable as it is groan-inducing, this is a generic shot-in-Romania Sci-Fi Channel follow-up to two theatrically released monster pics, the first of which helped kick-start this whole, endless CG monster sub-genre. This time out the relative lavishness of the preceding two ANACONDA flicks is replaced by standard cheap cartoony snake FX that make the central menace look more like a shiny high speed train than anything living and breathing.
David Hasselhoff’s presence in the cast (he’s top billed though has limited screen time) momentarily raises unrealistic hopes of a confrontation set piece between he and the snake in which he yells “Don’t hassle the Hoff!”. He’s fun to watch as a great white hunter (and late-revealed baddie) whose goofy team are called in to combat giant snakes on a regular basis. Crystal Allen is straight off the Vapid Vest Wearing Heroine assembly line and has back-story linking her to the experiments of a mad / brilliant billionaire. Said crazy rich genius came up with ridiculous, heavily derivative plans to cure cancer and reverse Alzheimer’s (a la DEEP BLUE SEA and scores of others) by experimenting on one of the world’s deadliest creatures – a 60 foot anaconda. Can you guess if it gets out of the lab? Why didn’t they experiment on something non-threatening like a fluffy hamster?!
The title of the third ANACONDA movie is a bit of a misnomer : the pregnancy of the central snake barely figures in the plot at all until the end when we catch a brief glimpse of some baby snakes who will presumably figure in the fourth movie, which was (yikes!) shot back to back with this one. The rest of the silly script consists largely of stock characters running around woodland waiting for the daft snake to leap out and eat them.
In contrast to the PG-13 rated previous two movies, this one does at least revel in splashy CG bloodshed. This ‘conda doesn’t just crush or swallow its victims – it rips them apart, biting off several heads ; in one case, a headless guy gamely continues firing his weapon long after his noggin has been severed. Moments like this keep it vaguely amusing and there’s a stand-out bit of nonsense involving a clumsy farmer who gets scared by a goat in his barn, knocks himself out and, after a fashion, wakes up to find himself in the midst of being swallowed whole.
John Rhys Davies, firmly back in the world of throwaway Z-movies after his spell in the LORD OF THE RINGS limelight, steals the show in a brief role as an incidental heavy fond of crude one liners like “The only thing you’ll be supervising is a proctologist removing my boot from your rectum!”. He refers to the anaconda as “completely motionless- just like my first wife…” and later, when someone calls the snake “500lbs of pure crushing power”, he responds with a tart “As I said, just like my first wife”.
– Steven West
- Interview with J.R. Bookwalter - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Andrew J. Rausch - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Rick Popko and Dan West - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Director Stevan Mena (Malevolence) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Screenwriter Jeffery Reddick (Day of the Dead 2007) - January 22, 2015
- Teleconference interview with Mick Garris (Masters of Horror) - January 22, 2015
- A Day at the Morgue with Corri English (Unrest) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Writer/Director Nacho Cerda (The Abandoned, Aftermath) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actress Thora Birch (Dark Corners, The Hole, American Beauty) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actor Jason Behr, Plus Skinwalkers Press Coverage - January 22, 2015
