“Beneath heaven lies hell, beneath hell lies…”
“The Cave,” a monster movie that doesn’t live up to that rather interesting tagline.
I’m afraid I must report, dear reader, that “The Cave” is an incredibly formulaic, boring, completely non-scary creature feature. There’s nothing in this movie that you haven’t seen before, unfortunately. The plot is of the cut-and-paste variety – a team of half-witted, two-dimensional cardboard characters go into some dark and creepy place, get killed off one by one until only one or two people remain, and face off against their stalker (usually some hideously stupid-looking monster). Does this sound at all familiar? Of course it does – you have, like myself, seen this kind of movie many times over. And while it is true that there is no such thing as true originality in film these days, “The Cave” does nothing to distance itself from other, similar monster movies.
There are elements present in “The Cave” taken from various (superior) creature features, such as “Alien” and “The Thing.” The “Alien” allusions are easy enough to spot (one or more strange creatures are stalking the group one by one), as are those from “The Thing” (the creature feeds off a host, allowing it to move amongst humans undetected except for a small change in the human’s eyes). All of this leaves the viewer feeling a strange sense of déjà vu. You get the feeling you’ve seen this movie before – and, if you are a true fan of horror, you most definitely have (shame on you if you’ve yet to see either “Alien” or John Carpenter’s remake of “The Thing”). Why the screenwriters Michael Steinberg and Tegan West felt they had to go back to the well, rather than seeking out new material, is completely beyond me…
I was planning on writing about the acting, but I needn’t bother. The same thing that applies to the plot, also goes for the acting – you’ve seen it all before. Those “What was that?” looks, followed by the usual “Oh shit!” look of surprise when the creature(s) attacks… That’s about the limit of the actors’ performances here. There’s just no real emotions or motivations in this bunch – just a lot of very general acting. I don’t know about you, dear reader, but I hate it when an actor doesn’t give it his or her all, just because they’re in a monster movie.
Need I continue? Do you understand now that “The Cave” is just another tired retread of old material? Will you do yourself a favor, and go rent (or just pull out of your movie cabinet) “Alien” and/or “The Thing” once more? I sincerely hope you do just that; I myself will be sitting down to watch Mr. Carpenter’s masterpiece in just a few moments. Join me, won’t you? Oh, and if you ever meet Cole Hauser (the actor who plays Jack, protagonist of “The Cave”), punch him for me. That guy needs to fire his agent, right this minute.
– Isorion
- Interview with J.R. Bookwalter - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Andrew J. Rausch - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Rick Popko and Dan West - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Director Stevan Mena (Malevolence) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Screenwriter Jeffery Reddick (Day of the Dead 2007) - January 22, 2015
- Teleconference interview with Mick Garris (Masters of Horror) - January 22, 2015
- A Day at the Morgue with Corri English (Unrest) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Writer/Director Nacho Cerda (The Abandoned, Aftermath) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actress Thora Birch (Dark Corners, The Hole, American Beauty) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actor Jason Behr, Plus Skinwalkers Press Coverage - January 22, 2015
