In an attempt to represent what John Moore did in his remake of Richard Donner’s horror masterpiece, The Omen, I offer the following:screenshottheomeneg2006[1]Just like Moore, I have literally copied my work based on Donner’s film, added nothing, while highlighting all of the arbitrary components. As Moore accentuates the various death scenes while omitting the only demise that must be seen on camera, I have spotlighted the title while leaving most of the substantive components of my review in the dark. I have also misspelled several terms and phrases–which is analogous to the grocery list of geographical errors, factual incongruities, continuity lapses, and visible boom mikes in Moore’s film–while misconstruing some of the plot but, of course, this will undoubtedly go unnoticed due to the vast amount of spectacle overshadowing what lies within.

Needless to say, if you want anything of value in their case, you’ll need to go to the original because these poor facsimiles serve no discernable purpose outside of wasting the audience’s time and energy.

-Egregious Gurnow