I once had very high hopes when Michael Bay launched his Platinum Dunes Company and their first film out of the gate was a wee tiny remake in 2003 entitled “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and was directed by Marcus Nispel.
Hooray. I loved that fucking film. Jessica Biel was super hot. Erica Leerhsen from Blair Witch 2 was in it. The Six Feet Under scene stealer Eric Balfour and the brilliant drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket, R. Lee Ermy was in it as well.
I thought the ‘Texas’ remake was great. Even down to the foreshadowing touch of seeing “Blair Meat Packing Plant” on the side of the building near the end. This led to the cliffhanger ending and documentary style exit sans Dan Myrick & Eduardo Sanchez’s 1999 blockbuster.
Friday night, my hopes were shattered. The horror gang and I ventured to dinner then to the Chinese Theatre. Flanked by Darren Lynn Bousman (Saw II, III), Todd Lincoln (Hack/Slash), Joe Lynch (Wrong Turn 2), Ryan Schifrin (Abominable), Steven Miller (Automation Transfusion), Mike Mendez (The Grave Dancers), Ryan Rotten, and Spooky Dan…we walked in and found a near empty theatre.
My heart sank. I remember reading earlier that the film was only 83 minutes long. Let me tell you that it was still too long at that. What went wrong?
The story is simple. College kids make the mistake of picking up a psychopath and mayhem ensues. I suggest renting the original starring Rutger Hauer, C. Thomas Howell and Jennifer Jason Leigh. The remake flip-flopped the roles and made Sophia the lead.
Dave Meyers is an exceptional music video director, so I am giving him a pass on this film. The tragedy was because of the writer. Eric Red is brilliant. The original Hitcher is a great watch. Jake Wade Wall is one that needs to learn how to write. His dialogue is absolute shit and his pacing is worse than witnessing Rosie O’Donnell on a race track. Mentioning his last film, “When a Stranger Calls…” from that alone, I implore the masses to stay away. There was no sense of true urgency. The set-ups were very weak and simply not plausible. Sean Bean actually knocks out a handful of squad cars, a helicopter and maintains control of his ’86 trans-am with only the use of a handgun. Aside from the director’s choice of music for that scene, NIN’s ‘Closer’, the audience was HOWLING at how terrible the film was at that point. I actually felt bad because the writer was in the theatre somewhere.
Sophia is beautiful. Sophia is amazingly beautiful and has the acting chops inside of her. Her boyfriend played by Zachary was not a good choice. Sean Bean is excellent in everything, but he had no material to work with. Again, thanks to the writer. Neil on the other hand, chewed the scenery but in the end had some pretty lame dialogue.
I wanted to love this. I truly did. I was really pissed off at this film and the production behind it. There was a scene in the hotel room where Sophia was laying on the bed watching a classic; The Birds and I began praying that Michael Bay and co. do not fuck that film up as well.
Do not pick up this Hitcher.
-Jack Reher
- Interview with J.R. Bookwalter - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Andrew J. Rausch - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Rick Popko and Dan West - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Director Stevan Mena (Malevolence) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Screenwriter Jeffery Reddick (Day of the Dead 2007) - January 22, 2015
- Teleconference interview with Mick Garris (Masters of Horror) - January 22, 2015
- A Day at the Morgue with Corri English (Unrest) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Writer/Director Nacho Cerda (The Abandoned, Aftermath) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actress Thora Birch (Dark Corners, The Hole, American Beauty) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actor Jason Behr, Plus Skinwalkers Press Coverage - January 22, 2015
