Going along with the theory of diminishing returns, I was actually curious how bad Lambert’s sequel to her own cinematic atrocity, Pet Sematary, could be. Indeed, during the first half of the production, she seemed up to the task of meeting my so-bad-it’s-not-bottom-of-the-barrel-but-rather-beneath-the-barrel expectations. However, midway through the movie, after having been molested by piss-poor horror, Pet Sematary veers to the left for a quarter of the feature as we are met with solid camp before the last twenty-five minutes reverts back, only this go-around aiming–but missing by only a few miles–Grand Guignol. What remains is an unintentional B-movie that screams 1990’s.
Jeff Matthews’s (Edward Furlong) mother, Renee Hallow (Darlanne Fluegel), is accidentally electrocuted on set of her newest film. Jeff’s father, Chase (Anthony Edwards), decides to move to Ludlow, Maine in order hopes of starting afresh. Jeff meets Drew Gilbert (Jason McGuire), whose abusive stepfather, Gus (Clancy Brown), shoots the boy’s dog, Zowie, and the boys bury the canine in the Micmac Indian burial grounds. The dog returns and shortly thereafter attacks and kills Gus and boys bury the corpse in the same area in order to veil the murder. When Gus is resurrected, he not only is not his former self, but he has plans to raise an army of zombie-like drones, beginning with Renee.
Beginning with the first half of the feature, what little subtlety that Stephen King provided in his script for the original is tossed out the window as screenwriter Richard Outten doesn’t bother to even attempt imitating his predecessor (I suppose he was attempting to make the work “his own” as they say). This said, sympathy-inducing misfortunate and chance is replaced by overt malevolence as Gus shoots Zowie before returning from the dead, one of his first undead acts being to kill all of the rabbits he had bred while alive. It is during this portion of the film we come to realize that continuity isn’t a priority in that those that come back are now selective in their maliciousness as both Zowie and Gus direct their vile natures at those whom they do not particularly care for while protecting others whom they favor. Of course, this takes quite a bit of the ominous sting out of the premise, but this facet of the Sematary mythos will become a fond memory by the halfway point of the feature.
After Brown decides that his amateur attempt at imitating Fred Gwynne’s New England accent in the original wasn’t coming across as well as he would have liked, thereby abandoning it until giving it another school boy try at the climax of the movie, we pause, taking in a few lessons about life. For example, if your stepfather is about to beat the living-daylights out of you with a cross, you are permitted to sic your zombie hound on him. Of course, veiling your boo-boo is essential immediately thereafter (lest you get grounded for eternity) and, fortunately for you, your undead step dad will return a better man, as you will undoubtedly be met with a double helping of pancakes for breakfast the following morning. But hey, could we expect anything less from a hygienically-conscious zombie who takes showers?
The last quarter of the film, well, let’s just leave it at over-the-top, inadvertent action-horror that Ed Wood would gladly have given a consenting nod in appreciation.
In the end, Pet Sematary II cannot, by any stretch of the imagination, be argued to have been an overt attempt at camp and B-movieism considering Mary Lambert’s poor direction in the original. Even though she proves that once you scrape the bottom of the barrel, you can always claw your way to the underside, her sequel standing as a flashing neon sign for the last decade of the twentieth century as L7, Traci Lords, The Jesus & Mary Chain, The Ramones, Miranda Sex Garden, and Dramarama dominate the soundtrack while big hair, pubescent strife, Edward Furlong, animal-on-animal violence, a veterinarian mobile (the bastard cousin to the book mobile), and a taxidermist putting the finishing touches on a pug distract us from Lambert’s confusion in her role as director. Even two less-than-admirable allusions to Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining (twin girls and the antagonist chopping his way through a door) couldn’t pull this production up by its bootstraps. What’s left is the feeling that the original was buried in the sacred burial grounds and what arrived a few years afterward was one of the first truly B-movies of the 1990’s.
-Egregious Gurnow
- Interview with J.R. Bookwalter - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Andrew J. Rausch - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Rick Popko and Dan West - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Director Stevan Mena (Malevolence) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Screenwriter Jeffery Reddick (Day of the Dead 2007) - January 22, 2015
- Teleconference interview with Mick Garris (Masters of Horror) - January 22, 2015
- A Day at the Morgue with Corri English (Unrest) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Writer/Director Nacho Cerda (The Abandoned, Aftermath) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actress Thora Birch (Dark Corners, The Hole, American Beauty) - January 22, 2015
- Interview with Actor Jason Behr, Plus Skinwalkers Press Coverage - January 22, 2015
